I’ve been doing so good these past few weeks at keeping my sense of humor and finding the silver lining; but today, things hit my heart a bit harder…
Part of it was just exhaustion from being out of routine and normalcy with the kids. Everything kind of caught up with me, and I felt the weight of all that’s going on in the world around us. My heart felt heavy.
Then tonight, B-boy asked to sleep with a stuffed animal…
He never, ever has been into sleeping with stuffed animals, but I’ve seen all of the current events slowly start to affect him. We try to explain things on his level and allow him to live in as safe of a bubble as possible, but he does know that we can’t see many family members – and any friends – right now because so many people in our state are sick. He knows that most stores are closed for two weeks, that church has had to close its doors for now, and that he’s not allowed to go to the grocery store with mommy for his safety. He cried when I told him that we can’t visit my grandfather for awhile.
He hasn’t been allowed anywhere other than home or outside to play for almost three weeks now. His little mind can’t understand it all, but he’s smart. He knows something big and scary has changed our normalcy. And I saw it tonight in the way he fell asleep, clinging tightly to a fuzzy, stuffed monkey. It broke my heart.
Afterward, I popped onto Facebook (which is really dangerous these days for one’s stress level), and the first thing that caught my eyes was a chart in which the New York Times (or some kind of publication like that) tried to predict just how widely this virus would spread and how greatly it would impact our country by May 2020.
And my brain started spinning…
Are we going to really be okay like I’ve been telling myself? What about the lives lost? I have so many close friends and family who are high risk, and I try not to think about how hard it would be for them to beat a virus like this. What about the jobs lost and the families who are losing income (or even businesses) over this? My heart started to race and panic and break, all at once.
And so I started praying…
Almost right away, God brought a verse to my mind about praying for leaders and those in government.
1 Timothy 2:1 – 4. “I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.”
Here’s the thing… My anxiety rises when I start to think about absolutely everything that is out of my control. Because I start to see all of these problems – physical and financial – and I worry about how they can be fixed. I worry about how they’re going to hurt those I love if they’re not fixed.
But as I sat there, I was reminded that I am not in a position where I have absolutely any control over these things. Not a bit! I can’t write laws. I’m not sitting in a board room, trying to determine the best way to make sure people are provided for. I’m not working on a cure or helping to determine the best way to slow the virus’ spread.
What I have been charged with is praying for those who are. Imagine if we all joined together and prayed for our leaders… That they might have wisdom right now. That they would have the answers to save lives and bring about financial stability for those who are losing so much. Imagine if we surrounded them with so much prayer support that they could actually feel God’s strength and guidance in every decision they made!
That’s a powerful force right there!
Right now, I am not called to solve the world’s problems by sitting at home and worrying about what might happen, because – spoiler alert – that won’t do anyone any good. More than ever, any other role or job that I have ever balanced has been pushed aside; and I am mom. I have nothing to do and nowhere to go except to pour into their lives.
I can’t control what’s happening outside my home, but – inside these walls – I can be THE best mommy and wife that I can possibly be. I can bring light and joy into our home, when outside the darkness is trying to spread fear. I can teach my children to appreciate what really matters and to be thankful for every provision that God has blessed us with. I can guide them in how to trust in God when they feel a little uncertain. And I can shower them with love and laughter while holding them close.
That is the task with which I have been entrusted.
Right now, my job is to just be mommy. And to fight the other battles through prayer, not worry! And fully realizing and embracing that put it all into perspective for me.
Prayer is powerful. Raising two little ones is a precious responsibility. That is enough! Anxiety and worry does nothing but get in the way of those two incredible actions that I can take to make a difference in a world that’s hurting.