Which ones can you relate to the most??? And what’s YOUR “You know you’re a mom if…” moment?
1. Your house exists in three stages – messy, messier, and oh-my-gosh-we-live-in-a-pigsty.
2. The messy version of your house starts to feel clean, because it’s only messy. There are two much worse levels…
3. You have an evacuation plan in place in case an unannounced visitor pulls into your driveway during the oh-my-gosh-we-live-in-a-pigsty stage.
4. You can lift a 25 lb toddler while carrying 50 pounds of groceries, talking on the phone, and clipping a three-year-old’s toe-nails.
5. You know better than to lick your hand if there is a brown smear on it. Although it may look like chocolate; if you’re a mom, there is a very high probability that it is not an edible confection. (A movie that shows a mom licking her hands in order to decipher whether or not a brown smear is poop or chocolate was obviously written by a man).
6. You’re really good at picking things up with your feet, because your hands are never free.
7. You wear leopard print, not because it makes you look fierce; but because the pattern hides milk stains, chocolate stains, poop stains, spitup stains, and ketchup stains. Leopard print is the ultimate stain hider. You therefore like leopard print.
8. Nothing puts fear in your heart quite like the color ‘white’.
9. Forget heels, polish, lip gloss, and jewelry. Your epitome of THE perfect night is now a hot bath, bubbles, flickering candlelight, and a bowl of peanut m&m’s.
10. If you don’t have time for the hot bath, bubbles, or flickering candlelight, then the peanut m&m’s will do.
11. If you don’t have peanut m&m’s, you’ll totally take five minutes of being locked in the bathroom – alone – for 300 seconds of refreshing quiet. (Turning on the fan is a must, so that you can’t hear the children screaming “MOMMY!” despite the fact that they are with their daddy).
12. Coffee is your best friend. (Anyone who brings you coffee is basically your soulmate).
13. You forget to buy hamburger buns while grocery shopping, so you use it as an excuse to run to your happy place: Target.
14. You are proud of yourself for leaving Target with only one item! I am woman; hear me roar! Problem is, you accidentally bought milk instead of the hamburger buns.
15. You’ve washed the same load of laundry three times, because you keep forgetting to put it into the dryer.
16. You have a secret stash of taboo foods (hello, chocolate) hidden behind the broccoli and another nestled beneath the frozen veggie burgers.
17. “We don’t turn on the blender until we’ve put the cover on first!” is something you say now.
18. You know, first-hand, just how much of a mess can be created when a blender is turned on without the cover.
19. You run out the door so quickly that sometimes you freeze in the middle of the supermarket and look down, just to make sure you’re wearing pants.
20. There is so much love in your heart for little humans that you think you might explode.